How have everyone been? It has been a long time since I have been blogging already. Now at this moment of this posting is that I am in the library @ orchard typing this into Microsoft words. Hmmm these days things seems a bit boring for the few of us, which I think so because at least last time we will be out, maybe it is due to the fact whereby everyone is busy with their own things, right now I am listening to the song that is being sang by Nicky. It is a nice song and the lyrics are beautiful. Thoughts are flooding in.
These days I have been reflecting some things that I have done and why some things is being done in this way. Before I came to the library, I was at the coffee club express reading a book that I bought today, “Harry Potter and the half –blood prince”. Things aren’t definitely the same for me now, everyone changes as they grow older, maybe it is really time for me to really grow up and stop being a child already right?
Sometimes being alone is a good thing as we are able to thing why, what, how does a thing happen, what is the main reason that is happening in this way. Because things dun happen without a reason and definitely it is cause by the thinking of the person or the circumstances and the environment.
Haven been having this thought in this mind last time, what am I working for? What is the aim that I am striving for? It is time for me to start thinking these things, what I want for my future, in this world there is no free lunch, right now seeing people are working hard to improve themselves, it is making me feeling ashamed of myself. During this three years where I have been moving myself to another phase of life from a teenager to an adult already, what have I been improving? What I can think is that I have been turning from bad to worse? From good to bad? Things happen too fast??? Or things are stationary for me, not moving forward and backward.
One thing that I am glad about myself is that at least I have a way of thinking for myself but what use is this good when things are not moving forward? In life some people improve themselves because they have an aim, some people just stay put because they are lazy, some people just degraded themselves because of the things that they have been doing.
I have to learn to be independent, instead of relying on my friends for doing most of the things. Just what the fuck is happening to me. Why is it that I am like that? People always know how to control their emotion is it because they have a sense of control over themselves? Or it is the way of upbringing that they have in their family? Seeing families going out together make me feel envious of them. I think I remembered telling someone that it is not the fact that you feel left out it is because of yourself, you at least have to make the effort to make the first step to mingle with people, and not people come and mingle with you. At least I think in the life that I am having, I have at least a small group of family.
Actually it is tough having two different kind of lifestyle. Especially the people who are bisexual, they actually have to be discreet and that they got married is because of the circumstances that they are being forced to. Families with minds that are conservative are the hardest to deal with. Many gay people have to get married because of the parents who keep asking them, because if they do not do what the parents want them to do, they might considered themselves to be unfilial, but I think that parents do not think this way, it is the mindset that is tricky and the way of the lifestyle and the way of how the country works.
If one day when I wake up, everything suddenly change I think I will not be able to fit in now, just like now, but life still need to get on, there is no point stopping over some people or some things that just happen to affect you at the wrong place at the wrong time. Even though I am being said to have a good sense of adaptability, things is definitely not the same when things happen to you.
Being able to cry over something is a good thing, but I don’t think I will cry for most of the things because I think there is not use crying over spilled milk, maybe for a little while but not always. It will forever become a habit, and it will make you have the thinking that whatever things that is bad happening to affect you, tears will be rolling down making you a vulnerable person.
I believe that when people who really stand up after falling down is really someone that should be praised. Memories are good but what use can it be when it can only accompany you throughout the rest of the life journey that every teenager has to go through, needless to mention adults.
Memories are important to some people because they think that if a life without memories to accompany you, it is not called a life anymore. Everyone have their own perception of how this thing should be form and how it should be viewed.
Time: 2005
Right now the library cafe, is almost deserted, as I think the library is closing soon maybe in an hour time? Those people who are still in the café are basically reading the newspaper or they are studying some of the books that they have borrowed or they are having a small meeting. It is not so crowded in Orchard today maybe it is a weekday, but it seems that things are still going on smoothly for the people in Singapore.
There are not many people moving around today, most of them are students with their friends. Friends are important to people. Once friends are disappearing, things might not be the same, but everyone still manages to get by. I am surprised that the battery for my notebook can last that long.
Time: 2036
The time is closing onto nine pm where the library will be closing soon. Every one is starting to park their things up already, so am I, am going to pack the things up and go off soon.
"Humans Only Tresure Things When It Is Loss"
